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25 September 2007 @ 12:41 am
[Fic]--Party Crasher  
Hay gaiz. Long time, no, ah, Internet chatter. I've been juggling a couple of different TF-related projects in between school commitments and playing Blackout on dramadramaduck SOMEONE COME BE MY MEGATRON, so I've been quite busy. Of course, when the muse rears her head, it's for this, instead of anything good. *Sigh*

Anyway, CRACK WARNING.

Title: Party Crasher
Rating: PG-13, for language
Pairing: None
Summary: 643--the Ghost Car--is infamous among those who play the game.
Word Count: 683
Disclaimer: I am in no way responsible for the original content of both Transformers and Rant: An Oral Biography of Buster Casey. No money was made of this silly little moment diversion in their sandboxes.
A/N: Crack crossover with Rant, which is absolutely amazing and the best book I've read in ages. Hey, when you're the last Decepticon left on Earth, you've gotta entertain yourself somehow, right? ...Right?! (Unbetaed, 'cause I'm a punk.)

~*~

Here’s how it works:

You get the call—the flag, the window—and you pick your wheels. Riding with a team, preparing for the game is easy; you put up the flag, you take up your positions, and when the window opens, you cruise. No team, and the best you can do is pocket some gas money and get your ass out to the corner. If you’re lucky, some team’ll cruise by, looking for a Left B-Pillar Lookout. Then you get to play. If you’re not, you hope someone drives by in a land yacht or a living room on wheels, looking for a mascot.

For some people, the thrill is in the chase, running down the other teams. For most, it’s in the tag, that singular moment where your car intersects with theirs and it’s all about the screeching and the crunch of glass and the seatbelt bruise across your chest.

And for everyone else, it’s swapping stories, the idle chatter of the team as they look for someone to chase. Talking through legendary tags, about who got fouled out of the game last time, when the next Honeymoon Night is, what’s the best way to ditch a Shark chewing on your bumper…and 643.

Someone always brings up 643. 643’s almost as much a Party Crashing legend as Rant Casey and the team he rode with. 643, who’s also known as the Copper, the Ghost Car, the Lone Wolf, and, occasionally, that Bastard in the Magic Saleen.

643 doesn’t ride with any team. Far as anyone can ever discern he rides alone, and he likes it that way. He’s no Shark, though; even if you throw yourself into the road in front of his car, he won’t stop to pick you up. He drives a Saleen Mustang, modified into a police cruiser, with the lights and sirens and everything. Somehow, that Mustang manages to look cherry every single game, no matter how many people claim to have been tagged by him.

He shows up right before the window opens (if he shows up at all), rolling down the road, engine purring and the flag flying high. Always an empty cab except for the driver, always cherry-pretty except for the flag, painted on in toothpaste or shaving cream or whatever he chooses to use. He ignores all the curbed singles and gets right to prowling.

The last thing a driver wants to hear when she’s cruising the maze is “643 incoming!” There’s no way to evade the bastard--he's one man in one car, and when he’s got you in his sights, you’re as good as boned. He’ll tag you, or he’ll chase you ‘til the window runs out…and then tag you when you slow down, because you think the game is over.

(There’ve been more fouls called on him than any other Crasher in the history of the game. Someone must feed him the game information illicitly, because no way in hell he’d still be on the lists. He doesn’t follow the rules, and he tags hard.)

If that shit weren’t weird enough, there’s the fact that no matter how much damage he takes to his wheel wells and fender in the process of a game, the next time he shows up that Saleen’s pristine. Players toss around theories: That he’s a renegade cop with a grudge against his precinct, battering their cars--but that doesn’t take into account the consistent unit number. That he’s a wealthy psycho with enough money to mod the same car the same way over and over. That he’s got some new supercar and he’s a company plant, testing it out. They get wilder and wilder as the window progresses, but no one really knows anything about him. Not really.

So the Party Crashers turn out for the game, bearing their flags and their scars, their dents and creases and beat-up rides. And they drive, and they talk, and they keep an eye out for the Ghost Car, the Copper. Lone Wolf. Their urban legend, in a game that's already an urban legend of its own.

643.

~*~

...No, I don't know how he paints the flags on himself either. >.>
 
 
 
floofwolfefloofwolfe on September 25th, 2007 06:23 am (UTC)
Hehehe, beware of a bored Barricade. He might just decide that you'd be better off on the side of the road.
Janellasaurus rex: Chocolate!nellasaur on September 25th, 2007 03:01 pm (UTC)
...Might decide? XDDD
Landray Depth Chargegeneralcordovan on September 25th, 2007 11:47 am (UTC)
...XD I was fairly clueless throughout the majority of this, but it was an amusing read nonetheless. The 'voice' you use is snarky and full of slang and I rather like that when used in some contexts.

Also: 'land yacht' and 'living room on wheels' had me rolling. 'That Bastard in the Magic Saleen' didn't help.
Janellasaurus rex: Crowley from 'Good Omens'nellasaur on September 25th, 2007 03:11 pm (UTC)
I'd offer to explain, but this is really one of those "Oh, just read the book!" situations. Suffice it to say, Party Crashing is a game that involves people driving around and crashing into each other. Glad you enjoyed anyway!

Hee!
Landray Depth Charge: pic#64667123generalcordovan on September 25th, 2007 06:48 pm (UTC)
I will most certainly be looking for that book in Books a Million next time I go. xD
Kyra Neko-Rei (Kyra Cat-Soul): SALEENkyra_neko_rei on November 2nd, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC)
Dammit, I thought I reviewed this!

It is one of the most fucking awesome things I've ever read.

"That Bastard in the Magic Saleen" = exquisite imagery. It just SO sums up Barricade.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ADORATION AND MORE LOVE!!!!
Janellasaurus rexnellasaur on November 3rd, 2007 04:44 am (UTC)
Hee! I'm glad you liked it so much! :D *Bowled over by LOVE*
Kyra Neko-Rei (Kyra Cat-Soul): SALEENkyra_neko_rei on November 4th, 2007 07:45 pm (UTC)
Hell, I even went out and bought the book. Which I'd never have done otherwise, even being the total literary whore that I am, because I'd have dismissed the entire concept as not along my normal lines of interest. Oral biographies are weird, but it's really working.

Anyway. More love!
Janellasaurus rex: Bumblebee!nellasaur on November 4th, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC)
Really?! :D I love Rant--I picked it up 'cause I enjoyed Fight Club, but I wasn't really interested in the premise at all. I wasn't even that impressed by the first, like, third of the text--it was good, but not my cup of sci-fi-fantasy loving tea. But then I kept reading, and...wow. It's just. It's wow.

<3!
Kyra Neko-Rei (Kyra Cat-Soul): SALEENkyra_neko_rei on November 4th, 2007 08:00 pm (UTC)
The same guy wrote Fight Club?

I might have to pick up a few more of 'em. They had one copy of Rant left, and I snagged it.
Janellasaurus rex: Chocolate!nellasaur on November 4th, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
Yep! Like I said, that's why I picked it up in the first place.

Haha, awesome. I haven't read any of the his other stuff--I have Haunted, but I haven't gotten around to reading it. Too worried it won't live up to Fight Club and Rant.
Kyra Neko-Rei (Kyra Cat-Soul): Lost a fight with a minivankyra_neko_rei on November 5th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
I'm about four chapters into Fight Club as we speak. And somewhat farther into Rant.

I'm happy.

Still not sure what is meant by "Cherry," though.
Janellasaurus rex: Crowley from 'Good Omens'nellasaur on November 5th, 2007 03:08 am (UTC)
They're good books! You should be happy! :D

Virgin, like, "just out of the showroom new".
Kyra Neko-Rei (Kyra Cat-Soul): BumbleCade Lovekyra_neko_rei on November 5th, 2007 04:18 pm (UTC)
LOL, Barricade as a virgin never occurred to me.
Janellasaurus rex: OMG!  Sauropod!nellasaur on November 5th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
...

XD Now that's a concept that could use some exploration.