Fic (House/Transformers)

House/Transformers.

It was on my list, and now it's not. Unless someone wants something that isn't crack!fic. And this doesn't have Ratchet. Sorry. Too much crack.

Also, dedicated to mujamo for the inspiration!

Title: Um.. not yet. Total crack
Rating: Err... Teen? Due to, um... questionable content?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing I tell you.



Mikaela and Sam stared at each other. This was not normal. "Um... we should ask a doctor."

"I agree."

Bumblebee moaned at them, "What about Ratchet? He should be able to help. He can scan..."

"No Bee, this, I think, I think we'd better get to a hospital." Sam helped Mikaela into the passengers seat, "Just be careful when you're driving."

"You aren't going to take the wheel?"

"Bee, we are on our graduation year road trip. I have no idea where the closest hospital is. Just. Just get us to one."

"Sure Sam." Bee roared away.

**

Dr Allison Cameron was the first one to talk to them. "So, how long has this been going on?"

"Two day's. Yesterday there was... um... a lot." Mikaela held tight to Sam's hand.

"Okay. Have you been sexually active?"

"Yes. But we always use condoms and she's on birth control pills." Sam didn't blush at the questions. I mean, come on. After all, there's only so many times Ratchet can talk to you about human health before your blush just isn't worth it anymore.

"Have you been with anyone else Mikaela?"

"Other then Sam? No! I would never cheat!"

**

"So, the girl says she's never cheated on the boyfriend." House clicked around the office, his cane tapping away.

"That's what she says. They've been together for over a year."

"Yeah, sure. I believe that. They're high school kids. And she is way out of his league." House pointed at the cute Aussie doctor, "You next. Talk to her. Bat your eyelashes. Get her to tell you who she's been sleeping with." He pointed to the black doctor, "You, ghetto kid, look through the car. Find out what they're hiding."

"What about me?"

"You?" House spared a moment to leer at Cameron's perfect pert breasts, "You failed. You get lab time."

**

"Nothing weird in the car. In fact, that's the cleanest car I've ever seen."

"So one of them is lying. No one ever cleans their car unless they're hiding something." House turned to the girl doctor again, "Results?"

"Well... nothing conclusive."

"What do you mean. You ran those things three times."

"It's not possible, that's what I mean!"

"Occums Razor. Tell us the results."

"It's not human. Or at least it's not all human."

House blinked at her. "The baby isn't human?"

"No. I have no idea what's wrong. Maybe the gloves where contaminated."

"Three tests. Three different boxes of gloves from three different wings of the hospital." House cocked his head to the side. "Hmm. You. What's she saying about the boy."

"She loves him, she'd never cheat, she never has."

"Unless the boy is an alien, I'd say that the tests say she's cheating."

A beautiful older blond man walked into the glass walled room, "House. What are you doing?"

"HA! I told you. You owe me twenty bucks. I knew I'd come across something new."

"Like what?" The older doctor sighed and rolled his eyes. He was so put upon.

"The baby isn't human."

"Oh."

"Yes oh. You wanna bet she knows?"

"Well, given that I have no idea what you're talking about, no."

"House," The pert blond girl doctor shook her head, "It's not alien. It's mechanical."

House spun, carefully so he didn't fall over, "Mechanical?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He thought for a moment. "Okay, where's she from?"

"Tranquility."

"Ah ha! The city with all those huge robots!"

"No," The pretty blond said in his cute accent, "That was Mission City."

"Oh. Well, lets go ask her then."

"I thought you said everyone lies."

"They do."

"Then why... never mind." The three younger doctors followed behind House and the older, beautiful doctor.

"So House? Giant robots?"

"Shut up Wilson. It could be."

**

"Have you ever been to Mission City."

"Yes. I was there last year with Sam."

"Ah ha. Did you see the fighting?"

"Sort of." He could tell she was holding something back, but she wasn't lying yet.

"Did you know that your baby isn't all human?"

"Baby?" The boy sat down hard on the chair. "Wait. Not all human?"

"Apperently it's half mechanical."

"Mikaela!"

"I didn't cheat on you Sam Witwicky! You were there with us!"

"... Oh yah. So who gets to tell Bee he's going to be a Dad?"



Oh my god. Kill me. I can't believe I wrote that.

Warning: Do not be eating or drinking. This is humor only!